Scratchin' the Surface

Thursday, January 25, 2007

I'm going to give you a glimpse into my journal, something I rarely do. I've told my family, "I die, they burn." If not, then they'll have to live with the contents, since I warned them.

Back in October of 2006, I wrote this: "Thank you for glorious fall to build us up before winter softly settles in. Lord, if I could have one gift just for me this year it would be to truly treasure winter, to just settle in like the snow and cold and be in this nest, spending time with you, with family, with items on my long-sitting to do list. That's what I ask for me."

I skipped a three-hour meeting today. Last night, at 11:30 pm I realized there was no way I could do 25 pages of Bible study, and actually sleep too. So I skipped leader's meeting. They'd predicted 2 inches of snow for today in addition to what's already on the ground from the week's snow squalls. Instead of treasuring anything, I realized I was dreading leaving our house again; dreading having to bundle up, scrape the driveway, hope they'd salt our street/hill, and do the same thing coming home. Go work out with my husband, (who is a great exercise accountability partner and never lets us skip), then come home to hurried dinner and all of the sudden it's bedtime - again. Another day that's slipped by because I scurried to and fro, from morning to bedtime.

It's hard to believe, looking at the lilac bushes in our backyard, a few months from now our house will be filled with the scent of their blossoms. Right now they're nestled in a blanket of snow. Waiting. Is that what I'm doing? Waiting? Will our house be filled with my sweet scent, because of how my time was spent this winter?

I saw the entry when I was flipping through my journal late last night. I put down the study guide, picked up a book instead. Read a bit and turned out the light. I decided to take care of this temple, get a good night's sleep.

Treasure: to value greatly.

I could have gone to the meeting, pleasing people. I like pleasing people, and a part of me longed to do just that. Instead I'm spending the day this way: I started it with feeding our birds a plate of oranges and peanut butter with seeds sprinkled about. They'll need extra energy today since everything's covered in snow. I'll enjoy seeing them visit the patio table throughout the day. They'll be here, whether I watch or not. I want to watch.

You wouldn't believe the traffic we'll have today, because of this offering. There's something very gentle feeling about feeding God's little creatures.

I put in a CD of Instrumental Hymns, plan to play it softly all day long. All the blinds are open to watch the snow coming down, softly blanketing our little woods. I plan to do some laundry, and enjoy the smell of clothes drying. I'll throw something in the crockpot so the house smells yummy when my husband comes home. He had to go out in this today, and will be glad to get home tonight. I want good smells to greet him.

I may take a nap, maybe even soak in a hot bath with a book. I hope to make a cup of tea, maybe several, and call my daughter, brother and mom. This day is a treasure, a gift from God. It's what I prayed for back in October. Whether I open my eyes, recognize it for that, value it as such, that's up to me. I think tonight, when I settle under my big down comforter, I'll feel like I chose well. How many of his gifts go completely unnoticed? He offers them to us, it's up to us to take them, truly treasure them. It's so hard to choose the best, isn't it? The "important" rarely cries out as loudly as the "urgent". Does everyone else miss it as often as I seem to? I won't always get it right, but just for this one day, I will.

Labels: Glimpse of the Heart

posted at 11:09 AM

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