Tuesday, February 20, 2007
I Need Your Opinion Please
She and I have been casual friends for at least eight years. This past weekend she asked me to meet with her. In the past seven years, her first husband died, leaving her with two kids to raise. She remarried. They've hit some rough spots. After a four hour breakfast (which should be a plug for Bob Evans who did not throw us out and kept bringing us coffee the entire time), we agreed to meet every few weeks for breakfast. Hopefully less than four hour ones. She needs help setting up a budget, setting boundaries for her 17 year old son, dealing with a short-tempered husband, reconnecting to other women, and finding a place to serve in her church and/or community.

One situation she shared with me, I thought I'd pass on. She met with the wife of one of her elders, who gave an opinion. I gave the opposing one. So I thought I'd ask what all of you think. Tap into that verse, "in much counsel there is wisdom..."

They came home, back around November, to find their son in bed with an 18 year old girl. Both were completely undressed. His explanation was that they were just "hanging out, talking." They'd only been seeing each other for about a month. She's praying this is his first incident. I told her I thought that was doubtful, looking at the short amount of time he'd been seeing the girl, and that they were already at that stage in their relationship. I suspect there's been plenty of buildup in past relationships. The son "broke it off" because of what happened. The girl's parents are divorced, both live locally. My friend and her husband decided not to tell either parent. Now the son wants to take the girl to prom, which is, #1 - in our area, always an overnight sleepover thing, and #2 tells me he hasn't broken up with her at all, but just wants the parents off his case.

The boy's parents are both committed Christians. The parents of the girl - I have no idea. My friend overhead a phone conversation where the boy and girl were discussing the 'what-if's' of if his parents told hers what had happened. She told the boy her mother really wouldn't care. The fact that she was discussing it with him tells me this may be hopeful thinking on her part.

So - I'd like to hear what you all have to say. Do you think there's any value in contacting her parents? Which one would you go to? Would you phone, or ask to meet? Bottom line, would you want to know? I really, really would like to know how you feel about this. Please put yourself in the shoes - being the parent of both kids. If you're more comfortable commenting anonymously, that's fine. I'm changing my setttings, during this one post, to allow that. I'd just like to hear what you have to say. I'll come back and tell you my take on it, after I hear from all of you. I expect to hear lots of wisdom coming my way, and I'd like to share that with her.

I think blogger and haloscan will let you go on as long as you'd like, so feel free. This raising teenagers - it's not for sissies!

  posted at 8:29 AM

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