Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Tapping into a Great Resource!
I've been going through old magazines, trying to tame the paper tiger. I came across a little note in a past issue of Real Simple Magazine:

'Ask a granny. Sometimes you just need advice from someone older and wiser. If your grandparents aren't around, you can still get free advice from a savvy senior at http://www.elderwisdomcircle.org/. Type in a question and you'll be matched with a volunteer cyber-grandparent, who will get back to you within a few days with some sage counsel. (However, you'll have to get your own hot cocoa.)'

So I went there and checked it out. Here's what I found:

Our Featured Letter Today

MARRIAGE: Poker Comes Before Me. Ok I am having a problem. My husband has the hobby of drinking beer and playing cards with his friends EVERYDAY. Even if I plan something he bails on me to play cards. I am beginning to feel second rate to poker. Our daughter doesnt even let him hold her at all. She is almost a year old and he has never fed her or changed a diaper. If I go over there and ask him to come home, the guys make fun of him and call him a wuss. I am so tired of cleaning house, making dinner, and taking care of my daughter all by myself. This has been going on for almost a year now. What should I do. I am confused both emotionally and mentally. I cant live like this anymore.

Elder Response: Please remember as you read this that we are not professional advisors but rather provide advice, thoughts, suggestions and observations based on life experience. I am a man, enjoy my occasional beer and like to play poker, again on occasion so thought you might like a man's perspective.

His friends call him a 'wuss' because you ask him to come home. Well, I have to agree that he is a 'wuss' but not because of that but rather that he is acting like a little boy and isn't living up to his responsibilities as a husband or a father.....and that is a better definition of a 'wuss'.

I can appreciate that you are hurt, confused and tired.....you didn't indicate whether you work outside the home but the cooking, cleaning and caring for a baby daughter is a full time job in itself and you are getting absolutely no assistance. He seems to be running away from something. Going out with the boys is ok on occasion but at the most should not be more than one night a week. Most men, especially with a new baby and a beautiful wife enjoy spending time with them. You also need some 'me' time to get out of the house, be with friends and do something that you enjoy.

Something is going on with your husband but I'm not qualified to make that determination. I think that the two of you need to consider joint marital counseling and find out the underlying causes for his actions and get your marriage back on track. If he refuses, and he might, go yourself so you at least can understand and then deal with the problem. But he owes it to you, and your daughter, to work on this with you.... he needs to work at being a husband and a father......if he doesn't he is truly a 'wuss' and feel free to tell him I said so. I wish you the best and give your baby a hug for me. I'll be thinking of you and let me know how things are going.

Great answer! Completely fabulous! I loved the sass at the end, 'feel free to tell him I said so.' (If she'd asked me, I would have told her to change the locks, at least on the bedroom door. Which is why they didn't recruit me for this volunteer position.) You can also go into their archives, do a subject search. I'm over the moon about this - so if your grandparents are already gone, or maybe like me you barely knew them, or they're still around, but aren't really someone you'd seek counsel from, you can go here. I LOVE IT, and it's just too good to keep to myself. Now, what do I want to ask first..... he already lowers the lid and takes out the trash.....


  posted at 9:25 PM

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