I arrived a week ago tomorrow. We usually spend about five days here when we fly down, but this time was not about visiting. It was about support, survival of a little household. So I agreed to stay absolutely as long as I could. I have to be home Friday morning, so I fly home Thursday afternoon.

Tonight my husband told me, "I miss you, I'm ready for you to come back home. Do you miss me, and being home?" Well, of course I said yes. But I also told him, it's funny how much perspective plays into anything. Normally when we're here, just for fun and to spend time with our family, the days are full of a bunch of nothing, and after about five or six days I'm ready to head home. This time, I'm torn, knowing they need help here as long as possible and the days are going so quickly. From when we all get up, little ones need dry diapers, breakfast, then dressed. Beds need to be made, laundry thrown in and taken out to be folded. Lunch, snacks, more diapers, it's endless, relentless. Funny how little ones quickly form the habit of eating at regular intervals, and the results of that are also pretty regular! There's so much to be done each day. I hate to leave them. When I go the bulk of the work will fall on Chris, after a full day of work, and Sarah will likely also start doing more than she should. The days will possibly feel long for her, confined to a house with three little ones. Those hours can drag by pretty slowly!

So I miss my husband, my daughter and her family back in Pennsylvania, my home, my life. It's where I belong, it's where my favorite coffee cup is, my robe, my books, my big Bible and devotional book, my kitchen, my friends, my warm clothes I should have packed, my pets, my neighbors, my church, my mailbox, my, my, my....

When Sarah and Chris were dealing with the aftermath of Addison's surgery a year ago, they came up with a family saying - "It's not about me." That has stuck with me. So often it IS about me, whatever IT might be. Like most people, I tend to be self-absorbed, self-centered in my thinking, perspective. But it's not about me or any of those "my's" I miss.

I wish I could stay longer - there is so much to do, every day is full, and I hate to leave, knowing it will create a burden for them.

Oh that I saw all of life that way! This life, as a whole, is not about me, and all the things that fill my calendar. It's not even just about the people I surround myself with. It's so much bigger, and my purpose for being here, on this earth, in this specific place He's placed me in, He's in that too, if I'll just see it. I have somewhere else to be eventually, something else to do. When my days here on earth are over, I imagine I'll think "I wish I could stay longer, there is so much to do, every day is full, and I hate to leave."

I want, when I board that plane in a few days, to look back at this stay and feel like my time here made a difference, was well spent, blessed this little family and honored God. I will leave with mixed feelings, an inner tug-o-war.

I want, when I leave this earth, in what will feel like such a short time, to look back at this stay and feel like my time here made a difference, was well spent, blessed others and honored God. I will likely leave with mixed feelings, an inner tug-o-war.

Thank you God, for letting me take practice tests in Life 101.

Labels: Glimpse of the Heart