Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Who Shot the Small Town Sheriff....
We picked up a local paper when we were in Texas, one of those that comes out every other week and anything that's printed everyone already knew about, but at least you have it in writing.... I love that it's called 'The Progress' since in reality there probably is very little of that happening anywhere near that town. We've lived most of our married life in very small towns, and I remember pulling into the town we live in now. Seeing a KMart, my heart started to go pitter patter, if that gives you any idea how Big City we were not. Our previous towns usually didn't even have a McD's, and yes since you asked, our cholesterol levels have risen since moving to town 12 years ago. But that's not my point.

A small town paper will tell you an awful lot about the people who live there, so we grabbed a couple of copies to take home with us. There were a lot of gems inside the pages, but my hands down favorite was "The Sheriff's Report". The fact that the sheriff has time to write a newspaper article that is three pages long tells me nothing much is really happening. Sure enough, his report starts out with a few happenings, then right in the middle he starts telling old Indian stories, a few more incidents, then chapter two of what happened to the Indian uprising, and so it went.

With no further ado - I give you my favorite parts of the Sheriff's report from the happenin' town (where the grocery store is 30 minutes away and there is no Michaels or Joanns or *....) we're choosing to move to:

"Dogs got in rabbit pen. FCR-1171. You know the results."

"Deputies report to verbal troubles, FCR-340. Hot weather has arrived and this type of problem is on the upswing. Tempers just get shorter in the summer."

"FCR-790, man showed up, advised had motorcycle wreck night before, police he believes are looking for him. Yep, they do want to speak to that gent, involved in a pursuit last night."

"Troubles on FCR-497. She wants him gone."

"Tragedy on FM-489. Local youth rolls vehicle, ejected fatally in early morning accident. Our condolences to the family. We never know when these things are going to happen. Only the Good Man Above has control. Our days are numbered, whether young or old, and losing a young family member is always the hardest to bear for both family and friends. All that remains is to shore up those who remain, remember and be thankful for the time we had with them on this earth."

"Now can I tell you officially that this year's County Fair Parade has been completed. It took about one hour. From horses to pretty girls, bands to cheer leaders, stagecoaches to fancy cars. Big 'uns and little 'uns, they all had a time... Once again folks, we had it all. Was glad to see there was very little candy thrown from the moving cars to the small children. And the cold water passed out by First Baptist, it was a life saver at just the right moment."

"DWI Felony, cussing, kicking the rear windows of the patrol car, causing extensive damage. Getting tanked up makes us all bulletproof and invisible. Drunk folks don't realize just how obnoxious they are." (I'd add that about some stone cold sober people I know.)

"Early Sunday morning carried daughter over to catch plane for the Forbidden Kingdom, China, the land of Kung Fu and where lots of the stuff we buy is made. Daughter is over there on a mission trip but all she's supposed to do is teach English in a school. It seems the Chinese take a dim view of folks seeking converts. If caught, they cut off your head or something like that. English is her native language. Being a female, I already know she's very adept at using it! I can vouch for it after paying her college phone bills. "

"Animal control to Main Street, pit bull loose, trying to bite folks. Caller put his walking cane to good use."

"Goat with collar and brown dog on lady's porch. FCR-610, just wandered up, unannounced."

"Lady calls dispatch, wants to know what day it is. We all have troubles like that sometimes."

"Welp, the county fair has ended for another year. Everybody tired after a long week. Rodeos and cotton candy, carnival rides and temporary abodes at camp sites, sleepy kids resting on their mother's shoulder, others astraddle of their daddy's, up high enough to see all the sights. We'll see 'em again next year...a little taller, but just as tired!"

So our nearest town isn't going to have a Michaels or Container Store, or Marble Slab, or Pier One likely, but with people like these, who sound like characters right out of a Jan Karon novel, I don't imagine we'll feel like we're lacking much. There are two, count them T.W.O. Sonic's. To celebrate the sale of our upcoming home going through, albeit a bit out in the sticks, I phoned the number on the last page of the newspaper and placed a one year subscription, starting immediately because we don't want to miss a blessed thang!

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  posted at 2:00 PM

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