Felicia Riley - 39 year old, single mother of three - actually that's not right. She was separated from her husband, and while he had the three children, Kate - 8, Michael - 6, and Julia - 4, he shot and killed each of them, then himself, back in February of 2007. So she's technically a widow and her three children are deceased. Before he killed the children and himself, he changed the beneficiary on his insurance policy so she would have no proceeds from it.

I read Ms. Riley's story on the front page of the paper this past weekend. The awfulness of the story isn't what struck me the most. Awful things happen every day in this world. What struck me is her response to it. Here's what she had to say:

The first thing I think of every day is just breathe and then everything else is just extra. When they were gone, I felt, why am I here, what's my purpose? Then I came to realize I'm still their mother. I'm living for them. I need to keep going for them and not let them be forgotten."

That was heart-wrenching, but not the part that really spoke to me, the part I'll remember a year or more from now. It's this:

'She said hating him for what he did would only cause more pain.' "The honest truth is that I choose not to give him anything more, including filling my life with anger. I continue to pray for the ability to forgive...and spend no energy from what is left of my life on anger that would give him continued control over me."

The article said she was 'anchored by her faith and buoyed by her support system, she finds purpose in giving of herself in volunteer and advocacy work.' "It gives me more purpose, to play with children, paint a school, construct something, give out beans and rice, pray with people. I'm here for a reason." She says her mantra is a version of Hebrews 12:1 - "let us run the race that is before us and never give up."

I missed church this weekend, or maybe I didn't. Maybe I attended Sunday morning, sitting at my kitchen table, sipping coffee and reading the Sunday paper.

Labels: Glimpse of the Heart